Feeling a bit low at the moment.

This afternoon I went to the funeral of my friend Jo's mum. It was a beautiful service and Jo was simply incredible.She is so so brave, I was in awe. The crematorium was absolutely packed, a lot of people were from John of Gaunt and I saw a lot of old teachers which was kind of nice, although would have been nicer in different circumstances of course.

The funeral had an 'alternative' feel about it...it was a definite celebration of life rather than commiseration of death which is exactly what Barbara would have wanted, and seemed to be a very good way of keeping everyone positive. There was a big poster of Barbara at the front of the room, and it got to me. She looked incredibly beautiful in it and it brought back lots of memories of going round Jo's house when we were at school together. She was a fantastic woman and she has brought up some fantastic kids. I really really feel for the whole family. As I say, Jo was an absolute inspiration, she handled the whole thing so impressively. Her attitude to the whole situation is amazing and I only hope I can be so positive when it's my turn, hopefully a long way off in the future.

And furthermore, I hope Jo and I can get closer again. I feel very guilty for letting things slip over the past few years, and I want to make amends. She's awesome.

Ellie xx