Muses.

Evening all!

Feeling a little more positive today. Last night I came up with a bit of an idea, it's worked, and I feel good about it. I thought last night about ways I could help Jo in a proactive way, and to help other people in her position, and in the position her Mum was in, or at least to prevent other people getting in that position.

It eventually dawned on me that Cancer Research's Race for Life was the perfect opportunity to do this, and I aasked Jo if she would be interested. I was so chuffed when she said yes. It means not only do I get to spend some time with Jo, training and racing, but we also get to do something constructive to help. I'm also hoping it will give Jo something positive to focus on. I'm really looking forward to it and have spent some time this afternoon doing the applications and setting up my online sponsor form:

So let the training, the fitness, and the help begin!

Other than that have had a so-so day; my employment law workshop was rubbish due to the tutor's incompetence, which is a real shame because the subject itself interests me a lot. I went to town this afternoon and picked out Rach's birthday present and posted it to her. I miss Rach. I really hope I get to see her over Easter.

Oh the other good news of the day is that Matt has got a job interview down here a week on Monday!! So fingers crossed, he might be down here permanently sooner than we thought...what a treat that would be!

Going swimming soon so better sign off. Thank you to the people who have become my friends via this blog already

Ellie xxx

Feeling a bit low at the moment.

This afternoon I went to the funeral of my friend Jo's mum. It was a beautiful service and Jo was simply incredible.She is so so brave, I was in awe. The crematorium was absolutely packed, a lot of people were from John of Gaunt and I saw a lot of old teachers which was kind of nice, although would have been nicer in different circumstances of course.

The funeral had an 'alternative' feel about it...it was a definite celebration of life rather than commiseration of death which is exactly what Barbara would have wanted, and seemed to be a very good way of keeping everyone positive. There was a big poster of Barbara at the front of the room, and it got to me. She looked incredibly beautiful in it and it brought back lots of memories of going round Jo's house when we were at school together. She was a fantastic woman and she has brought up some fantastic kids. I really really feel for the whole family. As I say, Jo was an absolute inspiration, she handled the whole thing so impressively. Her attitude to the whole situation is amazing and I only hope I can be so positive when it's my turn, hopefully a long way off in the future.

And furthermore, I hope Jo and I can get closer again. I feel very guilty for letting things slip over the past few years, and I want to make amends. She's awesome.

Ellie xx

Hey hey,

It's been a while since I last wrote, which is mainly attributable to my very busy week last week, and the fantastic weekend I had away...but more on that later.

To start with, a few muses (as the title demands!). I have made some massive realisations in the last few days, about a lot of things. I have come out of these days feeling a lot better now. I have got rid of something which has been weighing my mind down for a while, and I've realised just how in love I am with Matt. I mean, I always knew I loved him intensely, but this weekend I really really relaxed with him and everything was absolutely perfect. Just perfect. It's our 3 year anniversary next month, and we're going to Pisa to celebrate. 3 years and we're still so incredibly happy together. I'm never as happy as I am when I am being carefree and completely me with Matt. I love him so much and I am more determined than ever to make our future work. We have so much to live for, and this year of long-distanceness is nearly over. It is going to be simply imcredible to be back with him every single day of my life soon, I really cannot wait.

Anyway, back to what I've been doing. Wednesday night was OK. Group 11 meal out in Bristol. I drove home so had a sober one, but still had an enjoyable time. So nice to see the old group back together, UWE just isn't the same without them all. Makes such a difference to have friends around you, doesn't it.

Thursday I had an average workshop, came home, slept, cooked for Suzie (she's one of my best friends, from UWE but lives near me too). Then Suzie, me and my sister went to see Anthony Costa perform at Chicago Rock. Had a fab night, got some great photos, managed to get an autograph for Sarah, who is Matt's sister and a huge fan of Blue, and even got to kiss him on the cheek!!
Oooh, here's us with Anthony!

On to Friday...I drove up to see Matt!! It's the first time I've been up since the end of January, but the 4 hour drive was OK. When I got there we went out for lunch; Matt took me to this lovely restaurant and we had a brilliant time just catching up. Then we headed back to his, and had a sleep (I was knackered from the night before!!). It felt incredible to be in Matt's arms again and waking up with him is the best feeling. Everyone should have a Maph!

Friday night we went to his boss's barbeque - in was some bird's leaving do. Despite being a bit nervous about not knowing anyone, I had a great time. Matt's friends are all lovely, and a couple of them took me aside to tell me just how great Matt is, as a person, at his job, at everything. His very drunk friend told me how much Matt cares for me, and how much he talks about me. It was the cutest thing to hear and I left the party feeling incredibly proud and incredibly lucky. Which I am.

Saturday was a nice lie-in day. After that, we went to his Grandma's house. His Grandma passed away last week, which is terribly sad. Matt and I have been offered all her furniture, which is brand new, for our flat, when we move in together in July. It's so kind of his family. The stuff is really nice and is going to save us so much money. And best of all, it made the whole moving in seem even more real, and soon.

After that trip Matt took me to a village called Tealby, which is known to be the prettiest village in Lincolnshire. It was very pretty, and we had the best lunch! I had been telling Matt all week that I wanted a lasagne at the weekend, and I had the best lasagne ever there...with chips, salad, peas AND garlic bread! I was very happy! Then we had a walk around the village which was lovely (except I was too full up to walk far!!). I took a few pictures of us, here's a nice one:

Saturday afternoon we watched 'Maybe Baby', it was lovely just to be able to cuddle up and relax with Matt. Not have to say anything, just be together. Chilling out at the weekend like the old days. We watched Ice Age 2 with Matt's mum too, to keep her company. That was nice too. Then we went for a few quiet pints at Matt's local, he whipped my ass at pool, and then we headed home to bed. I love being in bed with my Matt.

On Sunday Matt was ever so lovely and got up early to start the prep for the Mothers' Day meal he was making for us all. It was awesome because he kept coming back to bed and I got to warm him up and cuddle him.

The lunch was really lovely, and helping Matt with a bit of the cooking was great too, just like the old days. Proper Maphel. After lunch we headed to bed, and made love, which was nothing less than perfect. Except that we forgot for a bit that the clocks had gone forward to I had to leave in a hurry. And that bit REALLY sucked.

Still, after Matt being a hero and helping me out when I got a bit lost on the way back, I got home safe and sound and in time to take Mum for a drink for mothers day. I love Mum to bits and I'm so annoyed at myself for not telling her that every day. I put that in her card and she said it made her cry. It's true though. Jo's mum passed away last week. I can't even imagine what it must be like for her. But it has made me, for the second time this week, sit up and learn to appreciate everything I have. I am incredibly lucky. And I'm not going to mess that up anymore.

This has been a long ramble. And I want to talk to Matt. So enough for now I guess. Maybe some more tomorrow

Ellie xxxxx

Welcome to my blog. I can't promise this is going to be of much interest to anyone, but I'll do my best. At a minimum it's going to be honest and frank.

Today hasn't been a great day. I mean, nothing has gone directly wrong for me, but a lot of people around me have had a bad time of things, and I'm feeling pretty terrible about it all.

My boyfriend's grandmother passed away today. It was pretty much expected, but as you'd expect, still very sad. I only met her once, in hospital. She was a lovely lady, with a sweet heart and she made every effort to make me feel accepted despite the fact that at the time she was very poorly and frail. She could barely talk but she was still good to me. I helped her pick her meal choices out for that day, and we all did a crossword together. I'm really glad I got to meet her. I hope she's in peace now, and been reunited with his grandad. Who knows, maybe my grandparents and his grandparents are together now, looking down at us proud.

The worst bit about the whole situation is that I can't be there for Matt, physically. I just want to hold him and make sure he knows how loved he is, but I can't Not until Friday anyway. I really hope his mum and aunt are OK too. I hope God is with them and helping them through it, providing comfort and reassurance.

Further to this, my best friend from secondary school has been told her mother has just days to live. Her mum is only my mum's age; she's only my age. She had breast cancer, overcame it, and has now been swallowed up by ovarian cancer. It's evil. I cannot imagine what she is going through. I want to help her more than anything but I know really there's nothing I can do apart from be there for her. She really doesn't deserve this, not that anyone does, but she really doesn't. To lose your mum so young. I hope God is with her too. I do have to wonder sometimes, why God lets stuff like this happen to good people. I know he must have his reasons, but it doesn't seem at all fair.

So yeah, today hasn't been all that cheery really. I've got on OK with some work, enjoyed having the day off Uni actually. Sister's birthday tomorrow, so hopefully we'll be able to cheer her up after the tough time she's had lately too.

Will leave it there for today and hopefully write back with some better news soon.

Love, Ellie xxx